Wondering Why ???

As a part of our culture or should I say “my own culture”, is to ask and wonder everyday why things are happening, either they were good things or bad ones, they are just happening and I’m wondering why?
Some times I try to convince my self that they happened for a specific reason, so we can learn from its consequences... but the funny thing that some of those things are still happening all the entire life and we can’t figure out a way to get rid of it.
While walking on the streets, sitting behind my office, even when I do nothing, Questions still going in and out of my mind, leaving me confused about their answers.

The other day I was waiting for a doctor appointment to figure out the reason of my back pain, this is doctor No.5, I’ m seeing during couple of months, each one of them said something different, so I got sick of all doctors specially that doctor I visited last week, I was in a real pain and telling her about it, and when I finished talking, she didn’t even move to touch my nick or to see where the pain is, she talked to me from behind her disk and I wondered what kind of doctor she is. 
Anyway I left her office, not believing in her diagnosis and a week after a went to another doctor, but this time I chose a doctor that not registered on the insurance, so maybe if a pay some money, doctors will be more convincing and they will show more concern about my pain.
I entered the doctor clinic and many people were waiting there turn, I went directly to the receptionist, registered my name and when I paid the 100 shekel I felt a little secured, thinking I’m going to have a real diagnosis today, and that’s what really happened.

There, in the waiting hall, I looked directly into the patients eyes I could feel they were waiting on pain, everyone wondering what kind of diagnosis the doctor would tell him, but for me it was something I got used to since I was a little child, waiting at the hospitals halls and dentists clinics, I had some health issues, that made my life not easy as it appears to some people, but when I look backward I see things more positively counting on all those circumstance I went through, and specially those great people that supported me all the time and handled my anger and my moody. Otherwise I could be broked and couldn’t continue my life.

Sometimes I feel I’m blessed, and lucky because of these good things that happened to me, but in conclusion I feel in deep that I’m a good person so those hard things that all the people suffer to get, happened to me without any efforts, such as the my past or current job.

I got my first real job directly after graduation, without even applying for it, and also I got my current job in the same way, people who know me and loves me chose me to fill full those positions, and it is not as some of you are thinking now that I got the jobs “bl wasta”, never, but with this huge number of people who know me through all the volunteering work I did during the past 10 years.

Also when I was at college I worked as a cashier on a pizza restaurant, even this job I didn’t even think about applying to it, it just happened one evening when I was eating on one of it’s branches and their were a friend of mine working and she told me that the owner are opening a new branch and he needs girls to work as a cashiers, so I filled up an application and the next day they called me for an interview and I got the job, and here I’m now after 4 years of working there, I love the job and I’m still enjoying it and so sad that in few months I’m leaving it because it becomes so hard to me to match between two jobs , family and social life.

Quitting this job is not the first serious decision I’m taking, the first real decision I took was my college major, I just chose it by my self, and everyone around was just satisfied.
And life is more easier when people take the decisions for you, but I never get used to that, I remember my mom telling me that since I was a kid no one choose anything for me, and all the time we had arguments about everything till the day they got sick of arguing with me and they just let me go ,and since then I took my life decisions by myself and that’s I think what led me to the person I am today.

At the end I can say that yes I’m proud of the person who I am today, and proud of the things that I did, and more proud of those people who are in my life: family and friends, and I’m more proud of all those things I’m planning to do in the near future.